#Singleton…

Remember when I told you guys that I have something cooking?? Well you all have no idea how many times I’ve written and deleted this article. Call me crazy, but I’ve decided to bite the bullet and blog about being single……………I can already feel the stares. I have mixed thoughts about putting this side of my life ”out there” on the big , wide and very public web sphere for anyone from complete strangers to my family to former boyfriends to read. I am not an over sharer when it comes to matters relationships and I only talk about relationships with trusted friends and family. Any-who, I haven’t been able to get the idea of writing a series about being single off my mind lately. And sometimes in life, that seems to be a clue that it should at least be tried. So ready-set-go!!

Whether you’re married, engaged, dating, divorced, widowed, and/or single. Young or old. Girl or guy. Whomever. We all have stories to share and lots of experiences on the topic of being single, or knowing people who are single. And I would love more than anything to hear what everyone has to say so that we can (really!) learn from each other.

It’s time someone talked about being single in a way that IS NOT…… …whiny, bitter, depressing, man-hating, defensive, hopeless, rose-coloured, or full of terrible Christian cliches or assumptions. (This, coming from a Christian.) It is time someone talked about being single in a way that IS….…empowering, vulnerable, hopeful, respectful, honest, refreshing, straightforward, content, faithful, and REAL.

Most single people probably won’t tell you this, but sometimes it can be hard when someone who recently just got married, or someone who was single at “some” point in their past (say more than 5 years ago) tries to give lots of advice how to live the single life. I totally respect and validate your experience being single in the past, and know that some of the best advice I’ve received about being single has been from my married friends. But sometimes it’s just nice to discuss the topic with people who are currently single.

So if nothing else, you can count me as someone talking about this from the “currently single” boat. I’ll let you know if that changes. But for now, all of this single talk is coming to you live! 😉

Taptaptap!!! Ahem, Is this thing on?

Hi. My name is Penny , and I am 31 years old and single.

Now let me explain how single I am…….LOL!! When I say single lets be clear -I mean single single. the don’t-have-a-fiance-single, RSVP-for-just-one, no-there-is-nothing-wrong-with-me-single, please-don’t-try-to-make-me-catch-the-bouquet-single, I-am-Beyonce-all-the-single-ladies kinda single. Let me ask……who says being single a bad thing? the society? the church? peoples expectation of you? Let me just say this, I have friends who are married and sad, married and happy, single and mad at the world because of that one person who broke their heart, there are those who are single and seriously searching like their life depends on it, there are those who are single and happy, others are in a married/single/its complicated kinda relationship…….all these add up to lifes’ balance!!

This fact still feels a little surreal since I never would have guessed a decade go — heck, even a few years ago — that I would find myself single at 31. I have always hoped and wanted to eventually be married. And frankly I have lived most of my adult life assuming that marriage was inevitably just around the corner. After all, that’s how it seemed to happen for everyone else, right?

Don’t get me wrong, though. I’ve had plenty of times in my life when it wasn’t just MeMyselfAndI 😍.

In fact, I think it’s safe to say that over the years I have gone on a somewhat ridiculous number of set ups and and blind dates. (OK, that last one’s a total lie – I am an expert Google/Facebook/Instagram pre-stalker for “blind” dates LOL)

I’ve dated guys halfway around the country. I’ve dated a neighbour on my old hood. I’ve dated guys that I wanted to keep seeing again and again, and guys that I was more than happy to never see again. I’ve dated guys that gave me butterflies in my stomach and made me a better person, and guys that infuriated me and made me feel terrible about myself. I’ve dated guys that got my hopes up. And I’ve dated guys that made me want to stop hoping altogether. But through it all (and maybe because of it all), I honestly came to conclude mid-twenties that I’m simply not much of a “settle down for the sake of it kinda girl”.

(Feel free to now officially label me as “picky”. It’s OK.)

That said, when you’re not in a relationship most of the time, you have a lot of time to watch others’ relationships. And think about relationships. If I’m honest, being single is something I think about — in some way — every day of my life. It’s kind of hard not to. Granted, the nature of those thoughts have evolved and changed and I would say improved. Because I will tell you that being single at 18 is very different from being single at 22. And at 25. And at 28. And at 31. And I have no doubt it will continue to be beyond.

But like most important things in life, I have found a growing paradox to be true about singleness:

I still really hope to be married some day more than ever — albeit for different reasons than at age 22. But I genuinely love my life more than ever as it is — including the fact that I’m single, and in many ways, because of the fact that I’m single.

Yes, there have been lots of hard days. Some of them are painfully, despairingly, bitterly, question-the-core-of-who-you-are hard. The kind of days that threaten to turn you into that single person you do not want to be. But I feel incredibly lucky to say that most of the days I have spent single have been exciting, empowering, and wonderfully FULL.

They have been full of rich experiences and adventures. They have been full of risks taken and lessons learned. They have been full of some really amazing jobs and fresh starts from scratch. They have been full of laughter and smiles and some of the best memories ever. And they have been full of really, really good friends and people along the way. And for that, I give some serious thanks.

So there you have it. I promise more posts won’t be so all-about-me, but I did want to give a little background on where I’m coming from.

More posts coming soon! (Including some lists. I love lists!!!)

I have a handful of ideas on some posts on random topics related to singleness and dating to come. And I have a handful of friends who are different kinds of single and live it out in different ways that I look forward to having share. But if you have any requests, please let me know!! Funny, serious, stories, lists, advice, you name it. Just leave a comment or something.

Ok, massively long post!!! I promise the next ones will be shorter.

Thanks for reading along! 😘

52 Comments

  1. Nyawira ,this is an article I can relate very well ,I have been single ….single single,single mother and currently married …please continue enjoying the singleton until you cross over ….you will miss your me time ,space ,freedom etc there is time for everything and this is your time.enjoy girl….keep up writing dear

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Loved it!Not single at the moment..kinda..lol. Anyway, this story of ‘get married before 30 and get kids before sijui what age’ is just BS(whispering) There is no ‘opt out’ to such major decisions so do it ONLY when it feels right…Glad you are having a wonderful time in your new adventure.. journey. Keep writing Penny!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Awesome piece Penny. I recently turned 34 on the 1st of July and I can totally relate to the issues surrounding being single in an African society.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tell me about it 😒. African culture will make us look like we are not “wife material” but at the end of the day we just don’t want to settle down for the sake of it. 🤷🏾‍♀️

      Like

  4. Its not easy to speak out in public when it comes to relationship.. You sound happy after sharing you’re experience.. I need to speak out to,,that way I will be ready and free to move on with life..Motivated. Thanks dear..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah it’s not easy especially when it comes to the African culture. Everyone expects you to be hooked up with someone by a particular age. Those are the pressures that the society has put on us to be in unhappy marriages. Thank you ❤

      Like

  5. you have never sounded more happier, free and unencumbered. Its true what Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says theirs is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. love you❤️❤️❤️.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Lovely piece….u should write about ‘ my type of single’ it ain’t easy but I still hope to get the right one…..can’t wait for the next article…😍

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Marriage is not all copt out to be
    Enjoy the single life it has its perks
    Well written article I would love a thread of all your articles seems like a never ending story book
    Love it!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Sounds like a cliché… Hehehhehe so true so damn true. But as I always tell myself one step at a time ours will come but there’s no hurry as long as you are happy. Nice piece. Please feed us some more.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Awesome read as always, I’m not single but you kinda inspire me to be after that read 🤣🤣 anywho, there’s a time for everything, embrace the singlehood.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Finally someone who understands what my single hood is all about *‘I ain’t settling’*🙌🏼! It’s so tough being in your 30’s and single in an African setup especially for ladies and it’s now when I said enough with the questions I am happy the way I am and if it changes it will be because of me not because society dictates so. Thank you for reminding me that living single can still be fun, fulfilling and empowering 🥰

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Its an awesome article, singletons got lots to talk about whereas its ignored. Thanx Penny for writing on it, eager for the next article on the same

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Beautiful article I’d read it again and again.
    Being single is just that phase in our lives where we are choosing to be in love with ourselves and patiently preparing for the right person .
    Good job 👏🏾

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Nice piece.
    God calls us to be happy in all seasons of life. So enjoy your single hood and get inspired to inspire others.

    Like

  14. Have known you for some years now but i have never felt you happy like i just did in the posts…. To be honest i think i need to give you my story (lol of how this singleton thingy has made me do with my life) utashanga . . Catch you kwa inbox. Otherwise good post right there😘

    Liked by 1 person

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