February is here!! To me it means LOVE is in the air……………..whoooop whoooop (please don’t mind the excitement)!! I’m sure I’m not the only one who is excited about it. Maybe for some of you it’s not as exciting and for others this is the worst month of them all and some dont give AF about it no worries, I love you all. Whatever the case, smile and be happy.
For some weird reason, I have always liked the month of Feb; it’s the shortest month of the year, Valentines day is here plus there’s something about Feb that screams LOVE. For the singles, hold you head up high and treat yourself to some good wine, chilled cocktails or a spa day (self-love).
Let me tell you guys, if you can remember me mentioning about my engagement and the way it sunk faster than the titanic….LOL. I didn’t even go through the grief stages when I called it off. The only thing that felt awkward was the missing ring on my finger. That relationship was a roller-coaster of emotions. Any-who, I learnt a lot from it and don’t confuse this for a rant or a sympathy note; it’s ain’t. All I am is a girl who draws lessons from each and every relationship I get in to instead of walking around cursing the guys.
That being said and done, I’m not an expert on love, actually what triggered this blog was a conversation I once heard on radio regarding the languanges of love. I was so intrigued by the advise and the idea of it all seemed exciting. I could not wait to get home and read all about it. Google being my friend, I downloaded a few articles and spent about hours analysing different authors and their thoughts around the whole subject.
This post is meant to give you some solid examples of how to express your language and understand your loved one’s love language.
If you are single, married, dating, parenting, a devoted friend, a boss, or a coworker; The Five Love Languages can help you foster healthier more meaningful relationships. By now, I am sure you have heard of Gary Chapman’s relationship-changing book THE FIVE LANGUAGES OF LOVE. If you have read the book, great! If not, I would highly recommend it, you can Google and have a look, it is a game-changer, guys. A total relationship game-changer.
The idea of the Five Love Languages is that we each feel loved differently. Love does not come in a one size fits all package. Gary Chapman believes that unhappiness in a relationship often has a simple cause: we speak different love languages.
The Five Languages Of Love Are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
You can find out about your love language by taking the quiz HERE. Remember to answer honestly. Come on back when you finish and share your love language on the comment section.
Oh good! You’re Back! So you have your Love Language. What is it? I score through the roof on gifting. My second highest is a tie between word of affirmation and quality time. The whole idea of Love Languages fascinates me and is believed to have changed so many relationships for the better.
So again . . . this isn’t just about Embracing Love in a romantic relationship. It’s about Embracing Love, Feeling Loved, and Giving Love. . . PERIOD
WHAT DO THEY MEAN?
The five ways we feel love each manifest differently. Each one requires practice to be able to speak fluently.
Let’s have a look:
OK! Be honest, do you blush on the inside when someone tells you how great you look in the new suit, the lovely dress, the shoes, the hair, the face beat etc? Or someones takes time to verbally acknowledge your achievements? Do you find yourself easily complimenting others? Maybe you love being encouraged and encouraging others, if so, Words of Affirmation is your love language. If you feel most loved by what someone says, then Words of Affirmation is your primary love language. This language is crucial because words are powerful. Words have the ability to strengthen or tear apart any relationship. We need to be affirmed, and for some of us, this needs to be through WORDS. Even if this isn’t your love language, it’s important to be able to speak this language to forge stronger relationships.
If the person you love is a Words of Affirmation they need:
A Listening Ear
If the person you love is a Words of Affirmation they don’t need:
The assumption that they know how loved they are.
The assumption that they know how good they are.
The assumption that they know you are proud of them.
Non-constructive criticism (This is the worst!!)
Not appreciating or recognizing their efforts
Emotionally harsh words.
Quality time is all about giving the other person your undivided attention (aki with our generation this is a challenge). If Quality time is your language, your partner wants your full phoneless attention. Sometimes we get so busy trying to fill our lives with activities we forget about the simplest form of communication: talking and listening. Quality time is engaging each other in a conversation, to ensure you and your partner are on the same page. It’s not just about conversations; it’s also chilling out together with the same goal in mind. To me it doesn’t matter what activity we are engaging in as much as the fact that the person has my undivided attention.
If the person you love needs QUALITY TIME they need:
Uninterrupted and focused conversations.
Time together even if it is just running errands.
Your whole attention.
If the person you love is QUALITY TIME, this is what they don’t need:
Long periods of being apart.
Spending time with anyone but each other.
Long periods without one-on-one time.
This right here is my number one love language. It is one of the most mistaken love languanges ever…believe you me!!. Just because someone loves receiving gifts, it does not mean that they are materialistic. On the contrary, this languange speaks volumes to the receiver. Personally, I thrive on the love, I appreciate the thoughtfullness and the effort behind the gift. I love receiving gifts, a ‘Just Because’ gift that shows that the other person is thinking about me. Receiving little gifts from those who care about me simply lights me up and confirms to me that the gift giver cares about me (makes sense…..Yes? No?). Gifts shouldn’t be given in expectation of something in return (although I love gifting my specials one too), but instead, it’s a symbol of love. Again, should this not be your love language, understanding it is crucial when involved with someone who communicates this way
If your loved one feels love through RECEIVING GIFTS, they need:
Making them a priority.
Gifting on Special Occasions
If your loved one feels love through RECEIVING GIFTS, they don’t need:
Forgetting special occasions.
Dutiful, unenthusiastic gift giving.
Materialism- giving gifts is not about the most expensive things (even though I don’t mind them being expensive haha). A hand picked flower can mean everything in the world to someone who receives love through gifts.
Are you prone to exchange gifts for personal favours? Do you feel special when someone is there to assist you and makes you feel THAT much more important to them? If this is the case then your fundamental love language is Acts of Service. Keep in mind that Acts of Service doesn’t require that you have an exceptional skill naaaaah!. Instead, it is your willingness to assist someone else in a manner that makes life more manageable. Even if it is a task that doesn’t require much effort, knowing that someone was willing to take the time out of his or her schedule to help out in a meaningful way makes you feel incredibly loved. Often times this love language is neglected because we don’t ask others to serve us or we assume that they don’t need any help. When it comes to me, I rarely ask for help and if I do, I feel as if I am a bother to someone. As weird as it sounds, I am learning to ask for help especially when I am dating a person who speaks this language.
If your loved one feels love through ACTS OF SERVICE, they need:
Assisting with chores.
Ongoing help with housework.
Helpful partners who are with them no matter what.
Someone who will go out of their way to elevate their workload.
If your loved one feels love through ACTS OF SERVICE, they don’t need:
Lack of follow through.
Making work more important that your loved one.
Making someone else’s to-do’s more important than your loved one.
Ignoring requests for help.
When you’re going through a hard time, does a hug from a loved one minimise whatever situation is at hand?. Therefore your love language is Physical Touch. This is one of the first love language most of us have experienced. Please don’t mistake physical touch for anything sexual; it is completely different. This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch means they like non sexual touch, hug, hand holding, cuddling, touching hair, caressing, etc. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.
If the person you love needs PHYSICAL TOUCH they need:
Non-verbal body language to emphasize love.
Non-sexual touch that reinforces your presence.
Lots of simple hugs, hand-holding, and gentle touches.
If the person you love is PHYSICAL TOUCH this is what they don’t need:
Long periods without intimacy
Coldly giving affection
Any physical abuse
YOUR TURN: What is your LOVE language and how do you express it?